Are You Running Towards or Away From Something? Joy vs. Relief in Your Career Moves

Picture this: You're scrolling through job listings at 11 PM, desperately clicking "apply" on anything that seems remotely better than your current situation. Your chest feels tight, your mind is racing, and you keep thinking, "I just need to get out of here."

Now imagine a different scenario: You're researching opportunities that align with a vision you've been nurturing. Your energy feels expansive, you're excited about possibilities, and you find yourself thinking, "I can't wait to grow into this."

These two experiences represent fundamentally different motivations: and they lead to vastly different outcomes. One is driven by relief; the other by joy. One is running away; the other is running toward.

The difference between these two approaches can literally transform your career trajectory and your mental health.

The Running Away Trap

When you're running away from something, your entire focus narrows to what you don't want. The micromanaging boss. The toxic team dynamics. The Sunday scaries that start on Friday afternoon. This isn't necessarily wrong: sometimes you absolutely need to leave a harmful situation.

But here's where it gets tricky: When your primary motivation is escape, you're making decisions based on fear, stress, and desperation. Your brain is in survival mode, which means it's not optimally positioned for strategic thinking or recognizing genuine opportunities.

You might take the first offer that comes along, even if it doesn't align with your values or long-term goals. You might accept lower pay, longer commutes, or responsibilities you don't actually want: all because it's "better than where you were." The relief feels good in the moment, but it's temporary.

Relief is the absence of something negative. It's your nervous system finally exhaling after holding its breath. But relief alone doesn't create fulfillment, growth, or sustained happiness.

The Power of Running Toward

Running toward something requires a completely different mindset. Instead of focusing on what you're escaping, you're clarifying what you want to create, experience, or become. This isn't about having a perfect five-year plan: it's about having a sense of direction that pulls you forward rather than pushes you away.

When you're running toward something, you make decisions from a place of curiosity, excitement, and alignment. You're not just trying to stop the pain; you're actively pursuing growth, contribution, or joy. This energy is magnetic: it shows up in your interviews, your networking, and your daily work.

Joy isn't just happiness: it's the deep satisfaction of moving in alignment with your authentic self. It's the feeling of expansion rather than contraction. When you experience joy in considering a career move, your body feels open, your breathing deepens, and possibilities seem abundant rather than scarce.

Real-World Examples: Can You Feel the Difference?

Running Away (Relief-Based):

• A therapist leaves private practice because they're exhausted by the business side, taking the first agency job that offers stability: even though the caseload is overwhelming and the values don't align.

• An LGBTQ+ professional leaves a company after experiencing discrimination, jumping to any workplace that claims to be "inclusive" without researching their actual track record.

• A burned-out executive quits their high-stress role and immediately starts job hunting in the same industry at the same level, just hoping for a "better culture."

Running Toward (Joy-Based):

• A therapist recognizes they want more community impact and deliberately transitions to program development at a nonprofit, excited about creating systemic change.

• An LGBTQ+ professional seeks out organizations where they can authentically contribute their perspective while building inclusive policies, energized by the opportunity to create change.

• A burned-out executive realizes they want to use their skills differently and explores roles in mentoring, training, or leading mission-driven teams.

Notice the difference? In the first scenarios, the primary emotion is "I need this to stop." In the second, it's "I want this to grow."

How to Tell Which One You're Doing

Your body knows before your mind does. When you think about a potential career move:

Running Away feels like:

• Tension in your chest or shoulders

• Rapid, shallow breathing

• A sense of urgency or desperation

• Thoughts focused on problems you want to escape

• Decision-making that feels reactive

• A drive to "just get somewhere else, anywhere else"

Running Toward feels like:

• Expansion in your chest

• Deeper, calmer breathing

• Excitement mixed with healthy nervousness

• Thoughts focused on possibilities and growth

• Decision-making that feels intentional

• A pull toward something specific and meaningful

Both can coexist: you might be ready to leave your current situation AND excited about a particular opportunity. But which energy is leading your decision-making matters enormously.

The Relief vs. Joy Question

Here's a powerful question to ask yourself: "If I imagine myself one year into this new role, do I feel relief that I'm not where I was, or do I feel joy about where I am?"

Relief-based decisions often lead to what I call "sideways moves": you change your circumstances but not your fundamental experience. You might end up in a different office with different people, but you're still fundamentally running the same patterns, avoiding the same challenges, or settling for the same limitations.

Joy-based decisions tend to create what I call "growth moves": you're not just changing your external circumstances, you're expanding your capacity, skills, and satisfaction. You're building toward something rather than just moving away from something.

This doesn't mean joy-based moves are always easier or more comfortable. Growth requires stepping into unfamiliar territory. But there's a qualitative difference between discomfort that comes from expansion versus discomfort that comes from contraction or desperation.

Practical Steps for Running Toward

1. Get specific about what you want, not just what you don't want. Instead of "I hate my micromanaging boss," try "I want autonomy to make decisions about my work process." Instead of "This company doesn't value diversity," try "I want to work somewhere my perspective is actively sought and valued."

2. Notice your energy when exploring opportunities. Pay attention to whether you feel excited, curious, and expansive, or just relieved to have an escape route. Both matter, but let joy lead when possible.

3. Ask different questions. Instead of "How do I get out of here?" ask "What do I want to create?" Instead of "What's wrong with this place?" ask "What would right look like?"

4. Build from your strengths and values. Running toward something usually involves leveraging what you're naturally good at and care about, rather than just trying to avoid what's difficult.

5. Trust the process of not knowing. You don't need to have it all figured out to start moving toward something. You just need to have a sense of direction that feels aligned and exciting.

When Running Away Is Necessary

Let's be clear: sometimes you absolutely need to prioritize getting out of a harmful situation. If you're experiencing discrimination, harassment, or severe burnout, your safety and well-being come first. Relief is a valid and necessary first step.

But even in these situations, once you've created some safety and space, you can begin to shift your focus from what you're leaving behind to what you want to move toward. This isn't about staying in harmful situations longer: it's about making sure your next move sets you up for genuine fulfillment, not just temporary relief.

The goal isn't to eliminate relief as a factor in your decision-making. It's to make sure relief isn't your only factor. When you can combine the wisdom of "I deserve better than this" with the vision of "I'm excited to create this," you position yourself for career moves that truly serve your growth and well-being.

Your career is too important and too much of your life to be driven primarily by what you're trying to escape. You deserve work that not only doesn't harm you, but actively nourishes your growth, values, and contribution to the world.

The next time you're considering a career change, pause and ask yourself: Am I running away or running toward? Your answer: and more importantly, the feeling behind your answer: will tell you everything you need to know about whether this move will bring you relief, joy, or both.